Maria Newman Guest Blog - Have you got the confidence to just be you?!

How quickly do you lose your identity when you become a mum? Is it immediately? Is it when you start going to mummy groups? Is it when your child starts school?

To me, it feels like it happened immediately. I stopped being Maria and I became Lea’s mummy or Louka’s mummy. That’s it. In an instant, it’s as though your identity has been erased just to be replaced by being mummy. It’s as if you, as an individual don’t exist anymore. Your needs have been replaced by the needs of your child. Yes, your baby is dependent on you but where is it written that your needs no longer exist?

The first time it happened to me was probably at baby weigh in. It was always busy at baby weigh in and so we’d have to wait. Which is fine. But then when it was my turn, the health visitor would call the name of my baby. This is at a time when my baby is not even old enough to acknowledge they have a name! What about the option of calling out Mrs Newman?

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

And then there’s how we do the same to each other. As mum’s, we’re so used to referring to each other as Billy’s mummy or Eve’s mummy that it can be months before it dawns on us to ask the mummy, or in fact the daddy, their actual name.

No wonder we start to lose confidence to be ourselves. We’ve been shielded by the mummy mask. And before we know it, we become so comfortable hiding that we forget who we are.

So what’s the solution?

Remember who you were

You did have a life before you were a mum. You did have an identity before you became a mum. This is where you need to start. You need to reacquaint yourself with you. The things you loved about yourself. Just ask yourself some simple questions:

- What was she like?

- What did she enjoy doing?

- What made her laugh?

Take a few minutes of quiet “me time” to check in with yourself

Catch your thoughts

The way we behave and feel is usually caught up in the thoughts we have. The voice inside our head is neither good nor bad but is just trying to keep us safe. Those thoughts are not really yours. Just think about some of the things you may tell yourself and ask, would you say that to your good friend?

So instead of agreeing with the chatter in your head take a moment to acknowledge what is real and what is noise.

Be positive

It’s so easy for someone to say, just be positive. The truth is, it’s not easy when you’re not feeling positive. So start with the small things that you’re grateful for and notice how that makes you feel. Then with practice, it can go from feeling uncomfortably awkward and unnatural to something very real. It’s about starting to form a good habit. To look at things from a positive point of view instead of a negative.

What others think of you is none of your business

I think it’s human nature to worry about what others think. It’s about our need to feel like we fit in. The truth is, what others think about us is none of our business. Why? Because what they think is based on the baggage they carry. And that’s exactly what it is, their baggage.

Being concerned about what others think is actually holding you back. It’s stopping you from stepping into the light and living the life you want. Is that what you really want?

It’s okay to be more than ‘mummy’

Just because you are now a mum, doesn’t mean you have to stop being you. That doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold to focus all your attention on your kids. They will actually benefit from you having an identity. After all, you are their role model. What message are you sending them if you hideaway? Surely you want your children to have the best life. To experience life in its full glory. And most importantly to be comfortable in their own skin. To be confident to be themselves. If that is the case, it starts with you.

Becoming a mummy is obviously a life-changing moment. We become the keeper of a precious and helpless being. We get thrown into new situations, although we join a well travelled road. But we still owe it to ourselves to live our life. To take advantage of every opportunity that comes our way and to not be afraid to be who we are.

How are you showing up?

The lovely lady behind this blog Maria herself!

You might also like to read ‘Who’s really holding you back?’

Or why not check out my YouTube channel for ‘5 tips to help you with self care’

I’d love you to connect with me on Facebook , Instagram and LinkedIn (http://www.linkedin.com/in/maria-newman/)

If you want to have a taster of what I do then why not sign up for my FREE 30 MINUTE ONLINE COURSE, How to put yourself first in 5 easy steps Just click the link to learn more.

Maria Newman is the Founder of Mummy on a Break

Helping busy working mums with young children who struggle to get out of bed every morning to feel amazing and love life by having purpose, confidence and happiness through my 6 week 1:1 coaching